Tuesday, December 31, 2013

Middle of the Road

As the year comes to an end, my mind turns to what has been achieved in 2013 personally. It's been a year of growth, although has rarely felt like it. It's definitely been a year of running PB's and eventually three wins in low key, small field races. Satisfying nevertheless. I've been lucky to have discovered the best trails I've run on. Witnessed Western States and Leadville firsthand and admired how anyone can run that fast, for that long! And then I got injured which is as usual the body saying 'enough'.

My favorite running pic of the year - Simon Gear nails the 2 Oceans silver
It's made me reflect on the past more than ever before, and decisions made.

I always thought that the term mid life crisis was an easy way for (generally) men to excuse their behaviour. However, now I realise that by the time you get to your mid to later forties, you have 20 years + of 'adult' experience, you aren't at the start of your journey in work, relationships, etc but at a pivotal point where your decisions start to have a finality about them. The road you choose now, had better be the right one, or be faced with those ever occurring thoughts of life on your own, in a job that doesn't inspire you, with a partner who isn't your soulmate, or in a place you dislike. Those all become real fears as you head towards 50. No-one is going to look at you for your young promise (job wise), for the chance to start a family with you, and the likelihood of starting afresh in a new environment becomes a big risk or a pipe dream.

A summer of great sunsets from Council Crest
Those who embrace change and are prepared to take a path that is rocky, uncertain and unchartered have my admiration. I've found it massively stressful dealing with three life events this year. New job, new continent, new life situation. It HAS been a year of growth, but felt more like a constant battle to remain positive, pull on my running shoes and start the day on an uplifting note. I've fought the desire to stabilise my moods artificially, believing that according to that saying, its better to feel emotional pain than not feel at all. I've seen the other side of my SA decisions, and appreciated the pain, hurt and frustrations felt by others effected by my decisions, although have mainly failed to rein in those frustrations myself. I've definitely realised that no situations are straightforward and however strong feelings are, and desire is, it's never that simple. I still have faith that somehow out of all this, I can find peace and contentment, despite understanding that I might just have a restless soul and maybe am unable to find peace. But that peace can only come from within and that's been the biggest struggle, to accept and work on that aspect. Again, I have admiration for people who can work on themselves to be better human beings and succeed. My occasional personal blogs have elicited an amazing response from friends, and for that I'm grateful.

I've been fortunate to visit, run in and experience some amazing places. Some of my favorite pics of the year are HERE

Wishing friends near and far a happy, adventurous, fulfilling 2014.

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